How It All Happened

You know what I wish I had when I was a horny teenager? A website that would tell me, simply and efficiently, where to take my girlfriend to make out. Sure, I knew a few places and even happened to chance upon some others by mistake, but I really could have used a website that would tell me where the hottest make out spots were. I was young, dumb and full of c*# and had to be in crappy school all day wondering where my girlfriend and I were going to go that weekend for you know… some private time. We couldn’t go to her house, her parents were always home. We couldn't go to my house, my mother would watch us like a hawk. I remember thinking,

“Where the hell are we going to go? I need to tie one on with this little lady. We can’t go sit in the state park at night; the cops would be all over us. I am not getting another stupid ticket! I barely make any money working at stupid Subway. I can’t tell my parents about the ticket, they would kill me. What the hell am I going to do? Where are all the good, private make out spots? I just want there to be some kind of magic map that tells me where to go. I don’t have the time or the patience to drive around all night. She has to be home by 11:30. Damn it! She does not want to sit in the parking lot behind the Safeway anymore. She said she felt like a streetwalker when I took her there. What about a place with a nice view, or something? Where are all the kids from Mill Valley going? I hear those guys are getting some crazy action. Please, someone, help! I just want to make out. Where do I go? Help me!”

Yeah, that was me long ago. If only there was a place, a website or something, with a one stop make out spot shopping when I was young. It would have saved me a lot of headaches, that’s for sure.

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